Condit condors in a nest made out of gold


Photo | Audrey Sinsky

Across the Claremont school district, there seems to be a set stereotype for each elementary school. At Condit Elementary, all the trillionaires reside as they use stacks of cold hard cash as chairs, or rather thrones. When you walk down the halls with concrete pillars and lion statues dotting the area, you can be sure to have a conversation with our esteemed guest speakers, Elon Musk and Oprah. Don’t forget the insulation in our walls that only consists of hundred-dollar bills. Nothing beats the warmth of a classroom that our crisp bills provide us ‘richy rich’ children with. Sure, the classrooms can be a bit filthy sometimes with ten-dollar bills or twenties littering the floor, but the state-of-the-art holographic teleporters made up for it. Also, the liquid gold water fountains were an added bonus, you can really just taste all 24 carats. Taking notes was made fun and enjoyable at Condit with the golden Gucci pens that we were given. The truth is, some kids coming from Condit do turn out entitled with a superiority complex.
“Condit was traumatizing and creates entitled kids,” a past Condor said.
Although the first thought might be to defend the pride of Condit, the truth must be told. Several students from Condit are privileged and it’s time for us to be humbled. While Condit has outperformed other elementary schools in terms of athletics and academics, other students can argue that the condors had everything handed to them. Although partly true, the school was often strict in its methods and students were still forced to work towards success. Maybe it led to students’ downfall, but who needs good grades when we can just drive away from our problems in our unreleased Tesla Cybertruck? Here’s a cool couple million for your troubles of reading this article. $$$$$