The Wolfpacket

SATIRE: Playboi Carti for President

Areesh Zaidi, Reporter • March 3, 2023

Playboi Carti should be America’s top choice Republican candidate for the 2024 Presidential Election. Meeting all the necessary criteria, at least 27 years of age, a natural-born citizen, multiple baby...

SATIRE: Breaking news: Dr. O’Connor announces 2024 presidential campaign

Callum Stewart-Glavin, Reporter • March 3, 2023

Dr. O’Connor is a beloved figure at CHS. Many students see him walking through the halls and quads during lunch and passing periods. Sadly, this is his last year as Principal of CHS as he is retiring...

SATIRE: President Bolsonaro running in 2024

Theo Da Silveira , Reporters • March 2, 2023

As the presidential election in the United States approaches, it seems that the political landscape is becoming increasingly crowded. But amidst the usual contenders, there is one name that has raised...

SATIRE: A loser-proof guide to bag a Valentine’s Day date

Lorenzo Cano, Reporter • February 3, 2023

Love is in the air this time of the month at Claremont High School. Making out in front of other people’s lockers, feeding each other the school lunch, and going to Trader Joe’s together…I am sure...

SATIRE: An Explanation As Of Why Your Date Went Totally Horrible

Naisaa Khedia, Reporter • February 3, 2023

“I lost a date with someone I really liked, what did I do wrong?” This might be one of the most common questions asked by all of the miserable people that have lost a date, been stood up, or have not...

SATIRE: It’s Wolfpacket Bro: CHS one hit wonders

Isabelle Shie and Lucas Grannis • December 22, 2022

“It’s Wolfpacket, Bro'': This revolutionary line echoed in the halls of CHS. Those three words were much more than just a rip-off of Jake Paul’s “It’s Everyday, Bro”; it was a movement. A lifestyle....

SATIRE: If Spotify wrapped was honest

Lorenzo Cano and Wobi Antoniolli • December 22, 2022

Taylor Swift - Having Taylor Swift as your top artist is not revolutionary, but hey, she is a good artist. You definitely cried listening to Midnights while reminiscing over a guy you never even dated....

SATIRE: Drugs? Homeroom? The discontinuation of Trader Joe’s Takis devastates CHS

Enya Wang, Reporter • December 22, 2022

From Takis to Hot Cheetos, the spicy chips hysteria heightens with Trader Joe’s Lime and Chili Flavored Corn Rolled Tortilla Chips. Nicknamed TJ’s Takis for looking and tasting suspiciously similar...

SATIRE: Top Thanksgiving Treats

Areesh Zaidi, Reporter • November 18, 2022

As November begins and the leaves turn orange, the thought of Thanksgiving is on everyone’s minds. Every Thanksgiving there is always one dish on the dinner table that gets finished in mere seconds....

SATIRE: This Year’s Turkey In Trouble

Rhea Sethi, Reporter • November 18, 2022

2022 has been full of chaos: freshmen are taller than seniors, mac-and-cheese flavored ice cream exists, and Trader Joe has devastated the entire student body of Claremont High by discontinuing their off-brand...

SATIRE: Hottest Halloween Costumes of 2022

Wobi Antoniolli, Reporter • October 22, 2022

If you have ever been stressed about what last-minute Halloween costume to put together for a party or night out, but did not want to be basic, do not worry any longer. Forget the typical vampire, angel,...

The trials of the “REAL” Athlete of the Month: Micah Endo (SATIRE)

Kyle Chen, Reporter • October 22, 2022

Athlete of the year: a grandiose title only given to the worthy. This year, Micah Endo is one of the most promising candidates for this position. Not only does Endo participate in volleyball and cross...