The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

SATIRE: Julia’s advice, continued two years later

Julia Little, Reporter May 3, 2024

Hi my name is Julia. Two years ago I wrote an advice column for the Wolfpacket. Since it was so good I thought you guys might need some more advice from my beautiful self. Your Welcome. Enjoy your reading. Q:...

Canva Design by Fiona Wu

SATIRE: New Prom Theme: Tik Tok Rizz Party

Fiona Wu, Reporter May 3, 2024

Sweat drips from Turkish Quadale Dingle’s neck as he shakes it one last time to Lil Uzi Vert because “this IS what you want.” Claremont High School’s biggest event of the year is prom, and students...

Canva designed by Joy Cheng

SATIRE: Senior Assassins

Joy Cheng, Reporter May 3, 2024

CHS seniors are fearing for their lives, their once-dreams of winning the $1000 jackpot are now overshadowed by the looming specter of assassination and survival. Seniors regardless of their status within...

SATIRE: Not Like the Other Asian Guys

Kate Song, Reporter May 3, 2024

*DISCLAIMER: This article is purely satirical and not rooted in any racial hatred. It's simply pointing out a hairstyle trend amongst the East Asian community* The hallways at Claremont High have become...

SATIRE: Who is the Alpha Wolf of the Claremont Wolfpack?

SATIRE: Who is the Alpha Wolf of the Claremont Wolfpack?

Fiona Wu, Reporter March 29, 2024

S tier Alpha Winner - Luke Mason Luke Mason flipped his hair 16 times during the entire interview because "Me personally, I know I'm a hero,” – Mason. In his daily grind, Mason doesn't just...

Image Courtesy of Canva

SATIRE: Ice Spice vs. Joe Biden

William Maxwell Abbott, Reporter March 4, 2024

Just one year ago, Ice Spice announced her plan to run against Joe Biden to be the president-elect for the 2024 election. With presidential debates underway, Ice Spice has been doing anything she can to...

Vision Pro Release

Vision Pro Release

William Maxwell Abbott, Reporter March 4, 2024

For years, innovation and technological development has altered what we think is possible. From the first computer to the first iPhone, all the way back to the invention of the steam engine in the 19th...

Students unable to participate in class due to mewing streak

Students unable to participate in class due to mewing streak

Anais Talbott Meza, Reporter March 4, 2024

Around Claremont High School, something seems afoot. Teachers are crying in agony, unable to teach their students the life-saving information of integral functions and how to analyze the masterpiece that...

SATIRE: Pokemon: 2024 Presidential Election Edition

SATIRE: Pokemon: 2024 Presidential Election Edition

Nina Wu, Reporter March 4, 2024

Hey kids. Welcome to today’s episode of Pokemon: Democrats and Republicans, the knockoff version of Pokemon: Sun and Moon. For those of you new to the Pokemon world, a ten-year-old boy named Ash Ketchum...

Image courtesy of Canva

SATIRE: A Short Series of Events

Johnathan Lee, Reporter March 4, 2024

With St. Patrick’s day on the horizon, many kids are scheming to catch themselves leprechaun. Well known for their mischievous character and their obsession with gold, Folklore says that if you catch...

SATIRE: Students unable to participate in class due to mewing

Anais Talbott Meza, Reporter March 4, 2024

Around Claremont High School, something seems afoot. Teachers are crying in agony because they are unable to teach their students the life-saving information of integral functions and how to analyze the...

Art Courtesy of CrayonAI

SATIRE: Fortnite Fever: The Fight to Improve Status

William Maxwell Abbott, Reporter February 9, 2024

Just one week ago, Dr. Mitchell announced that around the world, grade, salary, and status shall now all be determined by Fortnite skill level. This has caused people to go berserk trying to improve at...

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