The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

SATIRE: CHS Dreams Come True… Sleep is Allowed

Kyle Chen, Reporter May 5, 2023

What is a high school teenager’s arch nemesis? Sleep deprivation. Sleep is the one true limiter of a teenager’s mental and educational capabilities. The necessity of sleep occupies several hours of...

SATIRE: The boys are back: one direction reunion

Kate Mitchell, Reporter March 31, 2023

The boys are back! The world-famous X Factor boy band One Direction has finally announced their reunion. After the band’s seven-year hiatus, the boys finally gave in to the fans and what they wanted....

Image courtesy of Rolling Stone

SATIRE: Gomez vs. Bieber

Areesh Zaidi, Reporter March 31, 2023

One of the most revolutionary global conflicts of this year is the war between Selena Gomez and Hailey Bieber. Since 2009, Hailey Bieber and Selena Gomez have been the center of gossip and rumors because...

Image Courtesy of Areesh Zaidi and Abbygale Sanchez

SATIRE: Playboi Carti for President

Areesh Zaidi, Reporter March 3, 2023

Playboi Carti should be America’s top choice Republican candidate for the 2024 Presidential Election. Meeting all the necessary criteria, at least 27 years of age, a natural-born citizen, multiple baby...

Image courtesy of the CHS Webpage

SATIRE: Breaking news: Dr. O’Connor announces 2024 presidential campaign

Callum Stewart-Glavin, Reporter March 3, 2023

Dr. O’Connor is a beloved figure at CHS. Many students see him walking through the halls and quads during lunch and passing periods. Sadly, this is his last year as Principal of CHS as he is retiring...

SATIRE: President Bolsonaro running in 2024

Theo Da Silveira , Reporters March 2, 2023

As the presidential election in the United States approaches, it seems that the political landscape is becoming increasingly crowded. But amidst the usual contenders, there is one name that has raised...

SATIRE: A loser-proof guide to bag a Valentine’s Day date

Lorenzo Cano, Reporter February 3, 2023

Love is in the air this time of the month at Claremont High School. Making out in front of other people’s lockers, feeding each other the school lunch, and going to Trader Joe’s together…I am sure...

SATIRE: An Explanation As Of Why Your Date Went Totally Horrible

SATIRE: An Explanation As Of Why Your Date Went Totally Horrible

Naisaa Khedia, Reporter February 3, 2023

“I lost a date with someone I really liked, what did I do wrong?” This might be one of the most common questions asked by all of the miserable people that have lost a date, been stood up, or have not...

SATIRE: It’s Wolfpacket Bro: CHS one hit wonders

SATIRE: It’s Wolfpacket Bro: CHS one hit wonders

Isabelle Shie and Lucas Grannis December 22, 2022

“It’s Wolfpacket, Bro'': This revolutionary line echoed in the halls of CHS. Those three words were much more than just a rip-off of Jake Paul’s “It’s Everyday, Bro”; it was a movement. A lifestyle....

SATIRE: If Spotify wrapped was honest

Lorenzo Cano and Wobi Antoniolli December 22, 2022

Taylor Swift - Having Taylor Swift as your top artist is not revolutionary, but hey, she is a good artist. You definitely cried listening to Midnights while reminiscing over a guy you never even dated....

SATIRE: Drugs? Homeroom? The discontinuation of Trader Joe’s Takis devastates CHS

SATIRE: Drugs? Homeroom? The discontinuation of Trader Joe’s Takis devastates CHS

Enya Wang, Reporter December 22, 2022

From Takis to Hot Cheetos, the spicy chips hysteria heightens with Trader Joe’s Lime and Chili Flavored Corn Rolled Tortilla Chips. Nicknamed TJ’s Takis for looking and tasting suspiciously similar...

SATIRE: Top Thanksgiving Treats

Areesh Zaidi, Reporter November 18, 2022

As November begins and the leaves turn orange, the thought of Thanksgiving is on everyone’s minds. Every Thanksgiving there is always one dish on the dinner table that gets finished in mere seconds....

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