In an attempt to win over the hearts of the American people and find funding for his so-called “master project,” Donald Trump has announced that he will be assembling a special task force to find the gold at the end of the rainbow.
The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) will be repurposed for this project. “The quest will have the best people working on it,” Trump said. “I have the best plan and the best people, and we will get the best gold from the end of the best rainbow.”
Trump has not given detailed answers to any questions about which rainbow will be selected, how weather conditions will come into account, or what treasures he expects to be found. He has, however, confirmed that the project will have a budget of five million dollars and that the funding will come from various education and health care government programs. In Trump’s words, “My quest is just more important.”
Many people are skeptical about this “quest.” Various complaints from civilians state that this project is “stupid,” “childish,” and “Trump’s dumbest idea yet.” One report from an anonymous public school teacher said that, “Trump is wasting education funding on a project that only my first-grade students would consider.”
To help with this project, Trump imported a leprechaun from Ireland, as they are the ones who actually plant gold at the ends of rainbows. However, upon the leprechaun’s arrival in Washington, D.C., he was immediately detained by ICE agents, despite possessing a valid visa.
Trump has announced several times that he plans to use the riches he finds to fund his “master project.” Work from multiple investigative journalists has proven that this “master project” is to change St. Patrick’s Day to St. Donald’s Day, and the newfound riches will be put toward ordering new St. Donald’s Day decorations for select conservative taxpayers.
The country remains divided as some people describe the plan as “ludicrous” and others describe it as “genius.” As America waits for the plan to be implemented, people wonder if Trump will eventually come to his senses, or if we will be celebrating St. Donald’s Day this year.
