The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

Courtesy of shutterstock.com

The Earth is a cube and other universal truths

Rhea Sethi, Contributing Reporter May 6, 2022

Idiocy is unfortunately still abundant and versatile in this year 2022 C.E. The air is so thick with stupidity that sometimes I feel the need to breathe lightly to avoid losing brain cells. Where did...

Reporter Anna Jiang posing with the Wolfpackets room cardboard cut out mascots

SATIRE: Best room on campus, the Wolfpacket room

Anna Jiang, Reporter April 1, 2022

Everyone has heard of ASB, with their flashy posters at school events and “amazing” organization skills. They even have a special sign on their office door dedicated to them, essentially trying to...

This haunts my nightmares, and it will undoubtedly haunt yours too. Courtesy of dreamstime.com

SATIRE: What Is An Artichoke?

Rhea Sethi, Contributing Reporter April 1, 2022

I consider myself to be a fairly knowledgeable person. In the realm of “common sense”, I have plenty. Ask me what an artichoke is, though, and I will be lost. The truth is that I genuinely do not...

SATIRE: Dr. Brett OConnor student center bound to be demolished

SATIRE: Dr. Brett O’Connor student center bound to be demolished

Isabelle Shie, Reporter April 1, 2022

There really is only one young, built, and alluring establishment on the CHS campus that the students all know and love. The Dr. Brett O’Connor Student Center stands proudly in the middle of the school,...

SATIRE: Wordle to replace the SAT

Melina Tisopulos, Assistant News Editor April 1, 2022

In January, College Board announced that the SAT would be undergoing significant reform, most prominently including shifting to an online format. Many assumed the test itself would remain virtually the...

SATIRE: Guilty Accomplice Rats Out The Rat Rascal

Meghan Mason, Assistant Editor-In-Chief April 1, 2022

In early March, the Wolfpacket received secret intel from a trusted informant that the beloved Dr. Brett O’Connor Student Center had a rodent infestation. Because the information came from a rat within...

SATIRE: The Wolfpack Needs A New Alpha

SATIRE: The Wolfpack Needs A New Alpha

Lorenzo Cano, Reporter April 1, 2022

Democracy has had its run at CHS and it is not working out. We as students of CHS can no longer trust the corrupt system of democracy, which elects false and weak leaders. What we need now is a dictatorship!...

Centerman Jack Hughes of the New Jersey Devils actively carrying his team.
Courtesy of The Hockey Writers

SATIRE: Devils are the real kings

Casey Shoultz, Head Sports Editor April 1, 2022

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, the term bandwagon is defined as, “joining a party, cause, or movement because of its mass appeal or strength, often to benefit from it.” Or from a more...

Image courtesy of
Yelp/Matthew B.

SATIRE: Carti 400 insurrection

Carson Paul, Reporter April 1, 2022

To have a school concert would be stupid, to host a school concert in a boys bathroom would be more stupid, and to host a school concert in a boys bathroom while cops were on the premesis would just be…...

Image courtesy of Popbuzz
https://www.popbuzz.com/style/news/national-crocs-day/

SATIRE: Drop the Crocs

Carson Paul, reporter April 1, 2022

Over the past five years, a phenomenon has hit the youth of America that never should have gone from meme to style. Sold in stores from Walmart up to big brands like Gucci, this new trend is making the...

SATIRE: Ok CHS, is it time to bring back bullying freshmen?

Melina Tisopulos, Assistant News Editor April 1, 2022

Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. The author nor the Wolfpacket endorses bullying freshmen. Despite the hype, cyberbullying is nowhere near as effective nor as pleasurable as real bullying. So...

Courtesy of TheSmartLocal

SATIRE: Wolfpacket finna girl boss this article, dripping with Gen-Z slang #pushinp

Carrie Anne Little, Reporter April 1, 2022

Besties, these past few years have fallen flat. Previous generations’ language is just no longer giving. In fact it is mid. Luckily, Gen-Z has added spice to our lives with slang that straight up slaps....

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