Students of CHS over the past decade have been continuing to ask themselves the same age old question. When the hell are android kids going to be exiled by the rest of society? This question was answered 3 nights ago at 69:420(military time) by the CHS principal Dr. Mitchell. He stated that any android kid galloping — OR EVEN lollygagging — around the CHS campus would hereby be expelled. After the statement Android kids were left pondering and puzzling why in the world Dr. Mitchell wanted them expelled.
Since the dawn of time Android kids have always thought they were better than everybody else. From their weird phones that can bend in half or close like a book, to their weird ways of customizing their apps, they have always thought they were better than the rest of us. But they undermine what Apple kids value most, because it is not their IOS updates or the abilities of their phone, it’s blue text. For years the blue text you receive on a messages app when texting another apple device has been sacred to apple kids across the globe, and the key to a successful text conversation.
By lunch everybody with android on campus was protesting this decision. Because of these protests, Dr. Mitchell released a statement saying that the reason behind his decision to expel all android kids was because green texts were giving girls the ‘ick.’ After this statement was released (confirmed by female experts across CHS), it’s safe to say they skedaddled faster than you can say Awesomesauce. In fact, even after the Android kids left, rumors continued to go around CHS that they were ruining group chats on messages. Because of this, they weren’t just expelled from school, but they were exiled from society.
Finally it seems that CHS can live in a peaceful Apple world, filled with cohesive group chats and blue texts: the dream of every CHS student alike.
After the exile of Android kids, it seemed that CHS could now flourish with their nice blue texts and iPhones. But recently, the students of CHS have been expressing their anger with a different group of people: the iPad kids. Over the past few months, the iPad kids have been the lead cause of the anger of students at CHS. From their constant tomfoolery with their “bigger is better” mindset, all the way to the fact that you have to text them through their email, it’s clear that students want change. The worst part is that you can’t even call them normally, you have to call with a FaceTime audio which apple students of CHS simply cannot stand for. But despite the Apple kids of CHS fighting tooth and nail to get rid of said iPad kids, only time will tell the fate of the iPad kids.