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The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

SATIRE: Ice Spice vs. Joe Biden

Image+Courtesy+of+Canva
Image Courtesy of Canva

Just one year ago, Ice Spice announced her plan to run against Joe Biden to be the president-elect for the 2024 election. With presidential debates underway, Ice Spice has been doing anything she can to close the gap in the polls. 

As we all know, Joe Biden will be running for re-election in 2024, causing many people all around the world to beg the question: who will Joe Biden run against? Well, that question was answered just 1 month ago when Ice Spice beat out former president Donald Trump for the Republican nomination. When asked about how Ice Spice beat him out, Trump said, 

“She’s impossible to beat, whenever I try to make a point she starts yelling the word ‘GRRAH’ and twerking on stage uncontrollably.” 

After the big win against Trump, Ice Spice seems to have a lot of confidence going into the presidential debates against Biden, despite losing in the polls. 

One week ago, we got to see the first debate between these two political goliaths, and it turned out to be one of the best debates we have ever seen. It first started with their opening statements. Joe Biden, 81, inspired Americans all around the world with his statement,

 “America is a nation that can be described in a single word, asshymfootemdfassdfl”

Ice Spice decided to twerk for her opening statement, which everybody seemed to like even more. After opening statements, the debate started to escalate when the two opponents started to go after each other. When Joe Biden was discussing his plans for Bidenomics and limiting Americans’ job loss, Ice Spice used her signature move by yelling the word ‘GRAHH’ repeatedly while Biden was trying to speak. When it was finally Ice Spice’s turn to speak she said, “Boys a liar” before dropping the mic and walking off stage. Joe Biden couldn’t find his way off stage, and when he finally found the stairs, down he tripped and fell which almost ended his campaign altogether.

But the debates did not stop there, just last night, we saw the second presidential debate take place and it is safe to say that it was quite a doozy. Near the beginning of the debate, when referring to Joe Biden, Ice Spice said, “he’s not even a fart” in an attempt to completely put a halt to his campaign. The insult hurt Joe Biden’s feelings so much that they had to end the debate right then and there. While Ice Spice has been quite polarizing to Americans all around the world, her tactics have worked. Harvard Business School tells us that they estimate she will overtake Biden in the polls within just a few months. 

To go even further, rumors have been spreading that Joe Biden’s mom sent Ice Spice a message begging her to go easy on Biden. Whether true or not, Ice Spice has seemed to lay off the insults for the time being.

In response to Ice Spice and all of her insults, Joe Biden decided to fire back, trying desperately to hold his lead in the polls. To do this, Biden decided that he had to beat Ice Spice in her own game. So, he created a diss track, insulting Ice Spice and her political career, he even said the word ‘grahh’ many times during the song just to, “get in her head” said Biden. The track was an amazing success. Not only did it revive Biden’s campaign, but also made him the most listened-to artist on Spotify last month. The song was so successful that many believe Biden might leave the world of politics altogether and go all in on his music career.

Ultimately, whether or not you support Joe Biden or Ice Spice, one thing is for certain, these two political goliaths are here to stay. From Ice Spice’s unbeatable debating techniques, all the wall to Joe Biden’s admirable athleticism, these two candidates truly stand with American principles in their best interest.

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About the Contributor
William Maxwell Abbott
William Maxwell Abbott is a sophomore and first year reporter at the Wolfpacket. Along with playing video games, Abbott also enjoys listening to music from artists such as 21 Savage. He also looks forward to meeting new people as he starts out his second year in high school, and plans to attend a four year university in the future. Although he has not decided on a major yet, Abbott’s favorite subject is history. Inside school, Abbott enjoys being a congress leader on the speech and debate team. While outside of school, Abbott is an avid enthusiast of golf and has played various other sports. He would also love to have a pet dog named ‘Munchkin’ in the future.
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