SATIRE: Drop the Crocs

Image courtesy of Popbuzz

Over the past five years, a phenomenon has hit the youth of America that never should have gone from meme to style. Sold in stores from Walmart up to big brands like Gucci, this new trend is making the fashion available for many. However, the lacking trend is just incentivizing CHS students to buy foot damage, with these sight-killing unstylish shoes known as Crocs. Sorry, but it has to be said, Crocs just suck.
The popularity of the trend can be seen across the CHS campus. When going through the halls, one’s eyes are constantly violated with weird kids wearing those abominable shoes. Unfortunately, this trend is even hitting the track team: not to say any names, but there is no shortage of sprinters at practice with “running crocs”. Obviously, no pair of crocs can be considered running shoes, due to their grotesque open holes, which are undeniably not aerodynamic. In addition, they offer poor support. Although crocs may feel comfortable while being worn, the faulty footwear can cause major damage over time
“Unfortunately, Crocs are not suitable for all-day use,” Dr. Megan Leahy, a podiatrist, said while looking at the utterly disgusting shoes. “[Crocs] offer nice arch support, [but] these shoes do not adequately secure the heel. When the heel is unstable, toes tend to grip which can lead to tendonitis, worsening of toe deformities, nail problems, corns and calluses which can be detrimental in the future.”
Nonetheless, people should not stop wearing crocs just because of health reasons, but because they are ugly too. This is especially true when compared with the sleek styles of Converses, Vans, or even Nikes. There are countless more reasons why Crocs are the worst shoes ever. Crocs are meant for the water or as a substitute for sandals. Unfortunately, kids who like the brand have decided that Crocs are okay for any event. They wear them to school, to dances, to funerals. Everywhere one goes, they can see kids lurching about with their lollipop-colored footwear, tossing risking life and limb. Give them away! Crocs are stupid!
Less than a decade ago, a little boy got his foot torn off after his Croc got caught in a mall escalator. Children have lost toes from a multitude of incidents that involve the dangerous brand. The truth is that Crocs and everyday life do not go together. Should escalators be banned then? No! Should Crocs be outlawed?? Yes! The Crocs must go.
With the summer coming up, the inevitable reemergence of Crocs will once more obliterate the eyes of every living soul. It does not have to be this way though: You can make a difference. Trends are only made by popularity and if one stops following that trend, it creates a domino effect. If someone refuses to cave, preferring instead to follow the trend, remind them of the Wolfpacket staff. Do it for the editors, the reporters, but especially Carson Paul. Everyday this precious child is coerced to look upon this disgraceful footwear. It is time for CHS to give up the Croc phenomenon and let the Converses and Vans start running back. Give them up, CHS. Give them up!