SATIRE: CHS Cafeteria adds Pumpkin Spice Lattes to the Breakfast Menu

Autumn is a time for change. As the weather shifts, so do the colors of the leaves and the fashion trends with it. But for CHS students returning to school, more specifically school breakfast, another change was apparent this fall, and it is one of the most important signifiers of the fall season. That’s right, pumpkin spice lattes are now available in the school cafeteria for breakfast.
The menu change is a part of California’s new school meal program. Along with permanently providing free breakfast and lunch to all students, public k-12 schools in California are now mandated to meet the Department of Health’s updated nutritional standards.
New California Legislation states “All California public schools must ensure that meals provided to students meet the State’s nutritional requirements, the most crucial of which is that pumpkin spice is very nice.” Per California’s Education code.
“I signed this bill because I believe that no child in California deserves to go hungry,” California Governor Gavin Newsom said of this historic decision, “nor should any child be deprived of the opportunity to celebrate the season by embracing that fall girl aesthetic.”
Newsom added that the State has budgeted for all school-provided pumpkin spice lattes to be made with oat milk.
Many Californians are also advocating that as Californa adapts to the new meal program, avocado toast should be added to the list of food items public schools are required to offer to students.
“Ensuring that students from all backgrounds can access pumpkin spice lattes in the fall is a really great step in the right direction, but many California students are still suffering from a lack of instagrammable nutrition year round.” Said Dr. Tomás Aragón, an outspoken avocado toast activist and the director of the California Department of Public Health. Dr. Aragón continued by bringing up the damage California’s poor air quality is doing to students. He believes scented candles in all classrooms are the solution.
Looking forward, Claremont High School students can anticipate a number of menu changes aimed at ensuring that our basic nutritional needs are met at school. For the time being, although the program remains in its infancy, students can already sip on a hot or iced pumpkin spice latte in the morning, free of charge.