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The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

SATIRE: Mariah Scary

Brooklyn Roston, Reporter November 22, 2024

It was a dark and snowy night in suburbia, the calendar freshly marked November 1st. The wind blew away the ghouls and filled the air with gingerbread and snow. Through the frosty window an iced over graveyard...

SATIRE: Bowlero Rule rolls into play

Tavish N Brodie, Reporter November 22, 2024

Sports are some of the most universally recognized activities that just about every person in their life has participated in at least once. Famous for their diversity, the wide variety of sports in the...

SATIRE–The reign of the AI Cats

Madyson Raudez, Reporter November 22, 2024

In a twist no one saw coming, Claremont High School is being driven into chaos by a gang of buff AI cats. These once-innocent digital felines have bulked up, broken free from their virtual cages, and are...

SATIRE: 5000 Days and counting: A Journey Through the GTA 6 Wait

Makayla Aguilera, Reporter November 1, 2024

December 25th, Journal Entry - Today was a day like no other, the snow fell beautifully onto the festive decorations and cookies were just about done in the oven. I didn’t know it yet, but I was about...

SATIRE: The Allegations are True

SATIRE: The Allegations are True

Sophie Deng, Reporter November 1, 2024

“THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!! THEY’RE EATING THE CATS!!! THEY’RE EATING THE PETS!!!” These are the allegations made by Donald Trump during the presidential debate where he accused Haitian immigrants...

SATIRE: HOCO? More Like BOZO

Julia Little, Reporter November 1, 2024

You are sitting down at the Homecoming game, feeling lonely, lost, and alone – piled with thoughts of despair and sadness. It is like you have fallen into a black hole and can’t seem to climb out.You...

SATIRE: The Lofi Girl Stops Studying, and So Does Society: A Global Crisis Unfolds

Makayla Aguilera, Reporter September 27, 2024

The stream has been going on for years, each and every day The Lofi Girl is streaming. Despite the countless hours, the numerous subjects studied, the material memorized, enough is enough. Since 2017,...

SATIRE: The Abused Phones Of CHS

Julia Little, Reporter September 27, 2024

It’s early in the morning when you walk into class. The bell rings. Your teacher starts droning on and you do not know what they are on about, nor do you care.  Out of the corner of your eye, you see...

SATIRE: Julia’s advice, continued two years later

Julia Little, Reporter May 3, 2024

Hi my name is Julia. Two years ago I wrote an advice column for the Wolfpacket. Since it was so good I thought you guys might need some more advice from my beautiful self. Your Welcome. Enjoy your reading. Q:...

Canva Design by Fiona Wu

SATIRE: New Prom Theme: Tik Tok Rizz Party

Fiona Wu, Reporter May 3, 2024

Sweat drips from Turkish Quadale Dingle’s neck as he shakes it one last time to Lil Uzi Vert because “this IS what you want.” Claremont High School’s biggest event of the year is prom, and students...

Canva designed by Joy Cheng

SATIRE: Senior Assassins

Joy Cheng, Reporter May 3, 2024

CHS seniors are fearing for their lives, their once-dreams of winning the $1000 jackpot are now overshadowed by the looming specter of assassination and survival. Seniors regardless of their status within...

SATIRE: Not Like the Other Asian Guys

Kate Song, Reporter May 3, 2024

*DISCLAIMER: This article is purely satirical and not rooted in any racial hatred. It's simply pointing out a hairstyle trend amongst the East Asian community* The hallways at Claremont High have become...

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