The Wolfpacket

SATIRE: I have a crush on the future U.S. President (C.R.A.P. exclusive!)

Lyle Llewellyn Mideiros, Editor-in-Chief of Claremont's Really Academic Paper (C.R.A.P.) • February 14, 2025

First and foremost, I would like to say that this is a historical step forward for our two publications, the opportunity to have our stories right next to Claremont’s younger newspaper outlet is an amazing...

SATIRE: ChatGPT, The AI relationship you have been waiting for

Makayla Aguilera, Reporter • February 14, 2025

Are you sick of receiving chocolates from just your mom every Valentine’s Day? Or are you tired of Valentine’s plans consisting of crying into a pint of overpriced ice cream, while swiping left to...

SATIRE: Boyfriend for hire

Annabelle Brusky, Reporter • February 14, 2025

It’s February 14, and YOU are lonely. Lucky for you, for the low price of $99.99/hour, you can order an express delivery, exclusive offer, hot-to-go, one-day only, Valentine’s Day boyfriend! About...

[SATIRE] The missing assignment that went missing

Julia Little, Reporter • January 10, 2025

She could not find it. It just kinda disappeared from thin air. Her homework was GONE! But where did it go? Where did it run off to? The answer her History teacher yearns for, but there is no clear answer. Monday,...

Meme wars

Lincoln Roston, Reporter • January 10, 2025

In the beginning, there was nothing. No hums of crickets were heard, no songs of birds were sung. After thousands of years of darkness, life sprung into existence in a sudden burst of light. Two factions...

SATIRE: Hannibal Lecter for the FDA

Annabelle Brusky, Reporter • January 10, 2025

“Well, Mr. President, have the libs stopped screaming?” On December 20, 2024, just a month shy from inauguration, President-elect Donald Trump announced another controversial choice for his cabinet....

SATIRE: Mariah Scary

Brooklyn Roston, Reporter • November 22, 2024

It was a dark and snowy night in suburbia, the calendar freshly marked November 1st. The wind blew away the ghouls and filled the air with gingerbread and snow. Through the frosty window an iced over graveyard...

SATIRE: Bowlero Rule rolls into play

Tavish N Brodie, Reporter • November 22, 2024

Sports are some of the most universally recognized activities that just about every person in their life has participated in at least once. Famous for their diversity, the wide variety of sports in the...

SATIRE: The reign of the AI Cats

Madyson Raudez, Reporter • November 22, 2024

In a twist no one saw coming, Claremont High School is being driven into chaos by a gang of buff AI cats. These once-innocent digital felines have bulked up, broken free from their virtual cages, and are...

SATIRE: 5000 Days and counting: A Journey Through the GTA 6 Wait

Makayla Aguilera, Reporter • November 1, 2024

December 25th, Journal Entry - Today was a day like no other, the snow fell beautifully onto the festive decorations and cookies were just about done in the oven. I didn’t know it yet, but I was about...

SATIRE: The Allegations are True

Sophie Deng, Reporter • November 1, 2024

“THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!! THEY’RE EATING THE CATS!!! THEY’RE EATING THE PETS!!!” These are the allegations made by Donald Trump during the presidential debate where he accused Haitian immigrants...

SATIRE: HOCO? More Like BOZO

Julia Little, Reporter • November 1, 2024

You are sitting down at the Homecoming game, feeling lonely, lost, and alone – piled with thoughts of despair and sadness. It is like you have fallen into a black hole and can’t seem to climb out.You...