The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

The student news site of Claremont High School

The Wolfpacket

SATIRE: Unexpected miracles: the Claremont football team becomes D1

Football team rises to D1 after a shocking 112-0 win against NFL team Kansas City Chiefs. Earlier in the week, Claremont’s rising football stars accomplished their biggest win of the season. After suffering from the current losing streak, Claremont has finally managed to do the impossible-pull out a win.
This season we received 5 amazing new transfers from high schools from West Los Angeles to Texas and Utah–this recruitment was truly worth our investment. Among the recruits are three juniors and two seniors. The juniors include Andrew, known for his immense speed, Michele, who’s referred to as the “Football prodigy”, and Richard, who’s known for his ability to juke anyone within a five foot radius. The two seniors are Philip, whose ability to grasp a ball from any height or direction have caught the attention of Kansas and Kentucky, and Peter the new QB1 who’s throwing skills have been loosely compared to those of a blender, quickly and in any direction. The ferocious five have become quick starters in our game and are already being scouted to play professional football.
“We have already seen massive increases in the student section and active participation across the board. They had us in the first half, not gonna lie”, said avid sports fan Jack Smith after leading the chant for the entire student section, celebrating our win.
The spectacular game was sponsored by the NFL’s high school outreach program to promote more intense and high level football games across the country. The Kansas City Chiefs were amazed by the performance of our Claremont High School football team and were shocked by the scrimmage scores. This led to more engagement from the entire nation and even alumni and friends flying out from New York to come see our games. If we keep up this win streak, we might even be able not just win State, but have further investment coming into our football program.
The points scored by Claremont was 1 point behind the combined total point score in NFL history, truly marking a new era.

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Fiona Wu
Fiona Wu, Reporter
Fiona Wu is a sophomore at CHS and a first-year reporter on The Wolfpacket staff. This year, Wu is balancing many items on her plate, including her position on the school's Junior Varsity Volleyball team, speech and debate, and her newly created Voter’s Turnout club. Currently in school, Wu’s favorite subject is history and she is looking forward to spending the next school year with her teachers and classmates. Outside of school, Wu has dedicated her time to setting up her Voter’s Turnout Club, attending speech and debate tournaments, and pursuing her interests in the humanities. Wu looks forward to her first year in The Wolfpacket, especially attending the late nights.
Fiona Bulmer, Reporter
Fiona Bulmer is a sophomore at Claremont High School and a reporter for the Wolfpacket. In her free time she enjoys playing soccer, hanging out with friends, and skiing when the weather allows it. She also enjoys getting as much sleep as possible. As a vegan, one of her favorite foods is tofu panini’s, which she swears are better than they sound. Her favorite school subjects are Hhistory and English. She joined Wolfpacket partially due to her love of English, and is hoping to expand her writing skills and meet new people this year.
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