SATIRE: CHS Dreams Come True… Sleep is Allowed

What is a high school teenager’s arch nemesis? Sleep deprivation. Sleep is the one true limiter of a teenager’s mental and educational capabilities. The necessity of sleep occupies several hours of the day that could have been spent on studying for 10 upcoming tests, 20 homework assignments due the next day, college applications, or adding more activities onto the mountain of extracurriculars students have. If ignored, sleep deprivation latches on, a bothersome phenomenon that kicks in after countless sleepless days that drains away at students’ motivation and attention spans.
In a perfect world, one would not need sleep, toiling away at one’s work endlessly. However, this is reality, and high school students need their sleep, desperately. LA school districts have noticed this pressing issue, and many have moved to combat this. Here at Claremont high school, the administration has created a new school-wide initiative, the “Splendidly Sagacious Sleep” campaign, geared toward improving students’ sleep.
The campaign was first proposed back in the spring of 2022 with a barebones plan of programs and changes to be gradually implemented into Claremont High School and officially underwent development during the fall of 2022. The committee assigned to designing the campaign thoroughly considered its overall goals, which includes improving students’ sleep quality and attentiveness during lectures, along with examining data and studies to help create effective and efficient programs.
In 2022, an experiment was conducted to collect data on the sleeping habits of high school students and test the effects of sleep deprivation. A survey containing questions about sleep quality, sleep schedule, and reasons for lack of sleep, was conducted with a sample size of 100 students. The data collected from the experiment has shown that on average a high school student sleeps for 4-5 hours each night with juniors and seniors sleeping the least on average. This can be attributed to several causes, including an overload of school work, scrolling through social media, binging Netflix, and simply not wanting to sleep. This results in a negative correlation between test grades and a positive correlation between caffeine consumption and furious parents.
After a close examination of this data, along with other similar experiments, questions were brought up. What is the best way to improve our student’s sleep? How do we stop them from sleeping through their teacher’s lectures? The answer was clear: naps. Studies have shown that naps have the unrivaled power of not only improving one’s fatigue, but boosting concentration, critical thinking, and allowing the brain to digest information efficiently. The administration decided to adjust the bell schedule to implement an hour of nap time after lunch every day except for Wednesday. In addition, the school plans to invest $200k into inflated mattresses, blankets, and pillows for each classroom, emphasizing quality sleep. The administration hopes this will help reduce the number of students falling asleep during class, and possibly create an increase in students’ academic abilities and focus during class.
Overall there have been worries from teachers and parents regarding the time the mandatory nap time period would take from the other academic periods. The allocated one hour would cut even more into the limited time teachers have per period during the school day. Teachers would have even less time to cover the material for the day and complete other activities. On the other hand, students have been rejoicing over this chance to relive their preschool days. One student, Luke Mason, clearly expresses his opinions about the change.
“As an avid napper, I love the proposal,” Mason said. “I would love to settle down in school with my jammies and warm milk, and drift away to the sound of a sweet lullaby by Doc Oc.”
This upcoming change will give students a chance to drift off into a dreamy sleep, basking in the afternoon sun with a full stomach. What better way to spend an hour after lunch than in the land of dreams? This recent implementation has gained popularity with the student body and resounding appreciation has echoed throughout the halls after the recent announcement. Overall, this upcoming campaign will liberate, at least partially, students from the endless grind of sleepless nights and responsibilities…hopefully.