SATIRE: Christmas Carol Parodies

Jack the Red-Nosed Reindeer

You know Izzy and Carrie and Carson and Anna

Isabelle, Lucas and Mayo and Naisaa

But do you recall

The most famous editor of all?

Jack-the EIC

Had some very poofy hair

And if you ever saw it

You would say it’s got the flair

All of the other members

Used to call him Jariah-Carey

They never let poor Jack

Join in any peer-editing

Then one foggy Late Night Eve

Glavin came to say

“Jack, with your hair so flair

Won’t you guide our little lair?”

Then how the reporters loved him

As they shouted out with glee

“Jack the EIC

You’ll go down in history”

Last School Year

Last School year, room 104

But the very next year, we all came to tears

This year, the stench is so bad

Room 709 can’t compare

Last year, we shared takis

But now all we get is rotten cheese

This year, can the smell disappear?

I’ll give it to Mr. Sawhill

Loud kids, all the debate kids

I keep my distance, if I come close I’ll get sick

Tell me EICs, can you please stop them?

Well, it’s been a dreadful year, we miss 104

Happy Christmas, for ROTC, they got it all

With a note saying “love 104”, I meant it

Now I know what a fool I’ve been

But now I know room 709, please let me come back

Last year, we shared takis

But now all we get is rotten cheese

This year, can the smell disappear?

I’ll give it to Mr. Sawhill

Last School year, room 104

But the very next year, we all came to tears

This year, the stench is so bad

Room 709 can’t compare

All I Want for Christmas is Early Night

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don’t care about the articles

please just get me out of here

Late night is just such a drag

Article checks in the bag

Make my wish come true

All I want is for late night to end

Yeah

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need (and I)

Don’t care about the aesthetics

I don’t want to send out quote checks

The EICs won’t make me happy

Till I get to go back home

I just want to leave

Before the clock strikes nine, so please

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is early night

(night)

Oh, I won’t ask for much this Christmas

I don’t even want more edits (and I)

I’m just gonna keep on waiting for a “early night” rebranding

I will make a canva post and publish my articles

I just won’t sit for two hours doing EIC edits

‘Cause I just want to leave here tonight

Let me walk home while it’s bright

What more can I do?

Oh, baby, all I want for Christmas is Early night

ohh, please

Donate to The Wolfpacket

$50

$500

Contributed

Our Goal

Hello there! Our goal is to provide relavent, engaging journalism for readers of all ages. Your donation will support the student journalists of the Wolfpacket at Claremont High School, and will allow us to purchase equipment, print our monthly issues, and enter in journalism competitions. We appreciate your consideration!

About the Contributors

Nina Wu, Reporter

“Giving up jazz band for Wolfpacket better be worth it.” Nina Wu is a sophomore, musician, former member of WWD (Worldwide Domination!!) and now, a first year reporter at Wolfpacket. Wu is looking forward to cramming articles and hopefully passing her Spanish class. Wu is also obsessed with cats– although she does not have one of her own, she cannot live without them. She is also an avid member of the CHS Speech and Debate team, President of Project Keynote, and Vice President of Legion of Voters. She is looking forward to a great first year at Wolfpacket. Contact her at [email protected].

Caroline Warren, Reporter

Caroline Warren is an involved sophomore at CHS this year. She is a first-year reporter trying to keep up the Wolfpacket family legacy, with both her brothers having been in the class. Her favorite subject has always been math because she loves the notion of there always being a right answer. Warren’s main goal is to just get through the year smoothly while passing her classes and balancing her extracurriculars. She is an active member of CHS’s Speech and Debate program, plays basketball, volunteers with Interact, and volunteers with CLASP as well. Warren has a strong and unusual obsession with the font Georgia and she believes that any other font is disgusting. She also can talk about food opinions for hours and is excited to write about it.