“Poopy Joe” Biden’s gassy moment elicits widespread reactions

The most popular president in American history, Joe Biden, recently let one rip for TV viewers as he was talking about not cutting firefighters and other government workers with Pennsylvania governor Tom Wolf. This has brought forth a “roar” of reactions from people all across the country.

A new report states that Wolf actually turned off his camera and began laughing hysterically for many minutes. Wolf’s staff had to escort him out of the building and with flawless editing by the Biden team, a CGI Wolf was placed for the moment, simply rolling his eyes and staying serious. The spokesperson for Wolf stated that he almost asphyxiated and will take a few days off so his heart rate can recover.

Fox News’ Tucker Carlson attempted to slow down and increase the pitch of the audio of Biden’s fart to attempt to decode a secret message from the president.

“As you can see here, Biden is attempting to communicate his true plan of a Communist dictatorship to his most loyal followers. You can hear it here in the lower frequencies. Some believe it to be a mere gaffe, but with one sound, he will destroy the foundations of our democracy forever.”

Sean Hannity also commented on the situation, saying that it must have had a horrific and repulsive smell and he does not blame Tom Wolf for bursting out in laughter. He then pulled out a rasta cap and a giant blunt from underneath the table, smoking one during the commercial break. The cameraman forgot to tell Hannity the commercial break was over (or that he smelled in any case), prompting Hannity to quickly toss his hat and blunt to the side, flushed with embarrassment.

Snopes rated the claim that Joe Biden farted on live TV mostly false, stating that his body released an excess of gas, but his body is separate from the true metaphysical Joe Biden, which has zero physical incapabilities and is “sharp as a tack” as his buddy from Delaware with no medical knowledge stated.
“It’s his bravery in times like these,” CNN’s Chris Cuomo said with a solemn tone, “his ability to speak to the American people in such a diverse and eloquent method, no matter how short or how misunderstood he may be. He sacrificed himself for the American people, from the working class in Allegheny Mountains to the urban jungles of San Francisco. It’s like watching JFK all over again.”

Objective journalist Don Lemon remained in silence as he made his remarks in admiration for the president. He proceeded to bawl like a little girl for exactly 35 minutes and 18 seconds on national TV and CNN decided to cut off his program, stating that it was too disturbing for viewers across the nation. The network began running reruns of the Cuomo Brothers’ comedy hour until that also was considered too disconcerting.
The fart creates ripples everywhere outside of Joe Biden’s physical space, including the Internet.

“Joe Biden is finally passing something in Washington,” one user noted.

“Reminds me of that time he ripped one on the American people for 47 years,” another user stated. The account was banned by Facebook on unknown premises.

The next day, Joe Biden stated that his gastrointestinal system was functioning very well. He finally called a reporter from the National Review, who asked Biden whether it was a sign of being too old and unfit to lead the country since how could Americans expect him to lead the country if he could not even keep his bodily functions in line for public events. Biden responded by incoherently rambling about some old war story he potentially saw from a 1950s TV show and then challenged the reporter to an eating contest. Biden had to be escorted by his aides and the press conference was called off.

Regardless of how you put it, Joe Biden is stepping on the gas (though not enough to anger his climate czar John Kerry) and is accelerating America to a better future. It is truly refreshing for a new administration to do so and the American people can know they have an entertaining and incredibly sharp leader to follow.