Due to the lack of social interactions between students during passing periods, lunch, and mounting reports of overwhelming student stress, the Claremont Unified School District Board, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to reinstate two recess periods at Claremont High School. This plan will include a morning recess between second and third period from 9:26 A.M. to 9:46 A.M. and thirty-minute recess after lunch. On Wednesdays, there will only be the lunch recess due to the extra twenty minutes added for late start. The Wednesday bell schedule will run from 9:50 A.M. to 3:30 P.M. Optionally, the CHS upperclassmen can elect to have a morning or afternoon nap time. This will be offered as a weighted course, and the napping hours accrued during the semester will positively affect the students’ overall GPAs.
For this recess time, the Doctor O’Connor Building originally consecrated in early 2021 will be demolished. The original report of this building’s destruction, in this publication on April 1, 2022, was premature because the rats decided to vacate the property in fear of Miley Cyrus’s wrath. Still, the plans of building a nightclub will give way to the construction of a multi-use, multi-faceted, multi-age, multi-plex, multi-accessible playground for multiple uses.
Many senior citizens at CHS feel hurt and rejected by the school board’s decision to only erect this playground now. Senior Finn Lackey expresses his frustration in this way.
“What about me?!” Lackey said. “What about me and my fellow seniors at CHS?! Will we be compensated for the lack of playground time? This is penalizing us for our hard work and diligent social neglect. Why did they decide to do this now?”
Seniors will be holding a protest against their lack of compensation on March 27 and are planning a study-in for the entire spring break in a dramatic effort to stop the destruction of the “Doc Oc” Building. There will be a speaker series during the protest, including Kendrick Lamar, Dr. O’Connor, Taylor Swift, Mr.-ot-Dr. Easton, and Playboi Carti. All students are discouraged from attending.
There are three proposed playground models currently displayed on the roof of the 800s quad. Students are welcome and encouraged to view and vote on these playgrounds. Voting will close on the last day of spring break. The three options of playgrounds include playground option A: a slide. This minimalistic playground will be perfect for make-believe and world building. Option B will include a hundred-twelve story highrise climbing wall surrounded by a ball pit mote and intricate hedge mazes. Option C will include a high speed rail to Disneyland and three jungle gyms.
Construction of the proposed playground will begin on the first day of AP testing and will end before graduation in 2027.
