First and foremost, I would like to say that this is a historical step forward for our two publications, the opportunity to have our stories right next to Claremont’s younger newspaper outlet is an amazing moment that is bridging the gap between our two publications which have (unfortunately) been at odds with each other since the Wolfpacket’s founding–most notably between 1936 and 1969 when our two publications had the since forgotten but ever infamous CHS Paper Skirmishes in which 26 reporters, 13 Editors, 7 EICs, and 1 cartoonist were expelled from Claremont High School. All this to say that it is an amazing and historic opportunity to be able to finally work together. But without further ado, here is our C.R.A.P. article.
-EIC LLM 26’
Wolfpacket EIC note: Wait! Remember how wrote about C.R.A.P all those years ago? After years of trial (and lots of error), we have finally managed a printed publication of a C.R.A.P. article in the Wolfpacket, and although we have gone through three or four sets of EICs, it has finally been done. Now, without further ado, here is the article.
-EIC MO 25′
Lately, I’ve been wondering to myself: what will the future of America look like? Sometimes it looks dim and sometimes very bright. But I believe truly that the future of America, at least right now, is a bright one. This is because of the assurance I feel from one person, Barron Trump: my muse, my flame. There’s no doubt in my mind that my 6’7” king (or Barron) will be able to solve everything because of just how amazing he is.
I, like many other Americans, watched the inauguration on January 20th and what I saw truly left me in awe. Barron Trump shook the hand of Biden and completely destroyed him in the way that he physically presented himself. In that moment, it felt as if he held me tightly and told me that everything would be all right. I heard Ben Shapiro in my ears, saying “checkmate liberal,” and wished upon a star that Barron could show the same determination and American strength with other world leaders. Think about it, wouldn’t it be amazing to see Barron Trump next to Kim Jong-un, or Xi Jinping? It’s just a future I can’t wait for! I mean, he’s 6’11” for crying out loud!
Biden was so feeble and small compared to my glorious 7’ king at the inauguration and it was an embarrassment to the nation that Biden had the gall to stand next to him and attempt to act like he could even be half the caliber of man that Barron is. Barron Trump will also be the first ever president who can both settle international conflict (with America’s interests at my heart, of course) by day, and dunk on LeBron James by night. Could you imagine the news title “Crisis averted at port attack in Lebanon, and Barron Trump wreaks havoc on the court against LeBron”? According to recent reports, our NBA president is a reality, as he has signed with the New York Knicks and will make his debut on February 1st! As a reporter, I’ll be courtside to report on whatever my king does or says and, of course, watch him literally dunk on LeBron and duke it out with the LA Lakers.
Barron will serve our country greatly and will bring a bright, young, new, and handsome face to the Whitehouse, and C.R.A.P. is wholly in support of it; I am wholly in support of it. I know that he’s the cure to our nation’s economic, social, and political issues because who else can best handle a hot and spicy political climate than a hot and spicy politician?
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