You are sitting down at the Homecoming game, feeling lonely, lost, and alone – piled with thoughts of despair and sadness. It is like you have fallen into a black hole and can’t seem to climb out.You look around you ask yourself: what is wrong with me? Is it my breath? Is it the way I act? Why does no one ever invite me to Homecoming?
It has been four weeks seeing people with signs and flowers. You see your friends, the people who sit near you in class – it seems as though everyone is being HOCO proposed to…except for you.
As you were watching Wolfcast on Friday, October 4, in walked the girl who sits next to you in math. She was headed your way–or was she? She approached the boy behind you.
“Alex, will you, my dove, my sweet, sweet dove, my little superhero, come to Homecoming with me?” She handed him a bouquet of purple carnations tied with a black ribbon and a little stuffed bear. Everyone started to clap and cheer.
You were walking up towards the 700s during lunch time, going to a club meeting, and you saw that boy from PE, not sure if he ever washes his PE clothes – pee yew! Out of nowhere, his stinky self got down on one knee, scratch that – both knees as he pulled a rolled poster from his jorts and asked that girl you always see in Wolfcast.
“Will you pwetty, pweese come to HOCO with me?” And you know what she said in response?! She got down on both of her knees, and cradled his outstretched hands in hers.
“Will you, Maximilian the Third, come to Homecoming with me? Winky Face, Winky Face.” Are you the stinky one here?
It was four in the morning when you heard a boombox blasting outside your house Hollywood style. You heard pittering on the windows, like someone was throwing rocks at it. You opened your window and what did you see? Your best friend and a bunch of cheerleaders.
“Can you go get your mom, I have a question to ask her?” You woke her up. She looked outside your window and the cheerleader’s high kick before unrolling a twelve foot banner reading, “Come to HOCO with milf.” You stood there shocked, looking at your mother as she squealed and ran downstairs.
Three days before the homecoming game you stroll into homeroom and see the whole entire school band standing around serenading you as you walk in. The awe inspiring music fills your soul until they abruptly stop. A stranger walks out, gets down on one knee, and pulls out an average sized poster. You think to yourself: is this is finally my moment when somebody’s finally going to propose to me!? Until he looks up at you.
“Wait, you’re not Sandra. Everyone, reset reset reset!” Behind you Sandra walks into the room and they start again. He gets down, and she says yes.
When will it be your turn to say yes tomorrow? Thursday?? Never? You run out of the classroom and go to the bathroom where you sit there soaking for the rest of the day.
As you look down at your feet, feeling pity for yourself at the Homecoming game, you see a roach with a miniature sign – maybe it’s not too late! This roach is coming for you, that special light in their eyes gleaming just for you. And then you see it, another roach. A couple of roaches. A COUPLE of roaches! Is that a small bouquet of daisies?
Yes, it is too late for you. At least your mom is having fun. Better luck next year! …or not.
