December is a joyous month because in December, the world gets to experience not one, but multiple major holidays. Within just 31 days, people celebrate Christmas, described as “the most wonderful time of the year” (thanks, Frosty), Hanukkah, the winter solstice, and New Year’s Eve: where everyone gets to eat grapes underneath a table and pray for love. During this time, there is a reason to be happy and something to look forward to. But after just a few short weeks of elation, it vanishes without a trace and is chased by the most boring month of all time: January. With that, the countdown begins and people start watching the clock as the world awaits December once again. This endless cycle of joyless years with a singular happy month must be broken, and happiness must be spread year-round. Therefore, it is of the utmost importance that there is a widely celebrated holiday every month. 

Everyone knows that New Year’s Day is not a real holiday, so to commence holiday renovations, January is a good place to start. The third Friday of January will henceforth be known as Fauxspring. On Fauxspring, everyone must wear short sleeves to celebrate the halfway mark to spring. This holiday may also serve as a precursor to Valentine’s Day in the next month, because the vast majority of Claremont High School are lone wolves and hate Valentine’s Day. Flowers are given to friends and family to show appreciation and non-romantic love for others. All flowers given must be worn in the hair of the recipient as thanks to the giver. 

In June, the only good thing that happens is Claremont High School being let out for summer break. While this is certainly something to celebrate, it is not applicable worldwide. To bring the light back into the lives of people during the dreary month of June, Sun-day should be considered an international holiday. Sun-day, not to be confused with Sunday, takes place on the 25th of June. Sun-day aims to create biyearly happiness in a similar way to Christmas in December, and gifts are given to others. This is a non-religious holiday and may be celebrated by all despite how it shares qualities with Christmas, seeing as Sun-day celebrates the sun instead of a religious figure. Palm trees may be put up rather than pine trees, and on Sun-day decorations follow the color scheme of yellow, blue, and orange. 

Now for the saddest month of all: August. School starts back up, and all joy is lost. This depressive episode turns into September, which also has nothing to celebrate. To kill two birds with one stone, a two week long celebration should commence between the last week of August and the first week of September. These 14 days will be known as the Silly Weeks, a time during which everyone wears cat ears and carries around a succulent. This tradition lives for the sole purpose of looking silly and making people laugh wherever they go. Extra points if there is a cat tail in addition to the ears.

And that is about it! To break the cycle of sadness (except for during Christmas), the solution is simply to have more holidays. This way, people can be joyous all year round. Whether it is through celebrating non-religious Christmas-esque holidays, or setting out a time to be silly and make others laugh, the joy that comes with celebration should be exploited to its full potential.